His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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