Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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