At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
