I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
