last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
