It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
