I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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