That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
