I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
