I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
