Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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