i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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