Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
