Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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