Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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