she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
