Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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