So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
