My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
