I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
