so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize