You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize