where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
