Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
