Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
