would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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