I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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