Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Send help, water and tortillas.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
