My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
