Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
