put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
