HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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