My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
