Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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