saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
