i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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