Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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