I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
