i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
