Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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