you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
