Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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