you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
