Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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