is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i've created a new STD.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
