allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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