you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
