moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
