I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
