I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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