My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
