I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
