Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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