Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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