Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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