Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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