Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
