Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
