I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
