Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
