ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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