mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
