Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
