I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think my tv is drunk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize