Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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