So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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