My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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