Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
