i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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