can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
